Dob's Journal

so i feel empty inside
and i feel lonely.
and i feel stressed.
and recently i have been backstabbed, in a weird awkward way.

i have been feeling a lot of things. school isnt fun. and this semester its a lot of work. im starting to feel my doubts for why im here (at school). if im having trouble now - i dont want to go forward. the worst part is that i would love to have a career in music promotions or band management - but although you technically can get degrees in something around that rather then what i am doing, i want to be weeded through the people i know through luck, not a college degree. im here to get the degree and then do what i love, but im not out til 2010 at least - and ill be 23 and probably too old to do what i love.

i cant play in a band yet i feel like that was the only time i was sane, and everyone else moved on but i cannot do anything differently.

and situations beyond my control have spun around - and well im glad i wont be home for another month after this weekend. though - i miss talking to some people that i used to have in my life.
with that i realized i talked to lots of people from all over that i used to be friends with but i have not had a friendship with for some time. its a damn shame because slowly and surely people are leaving my side.

yeah there are the select few here, thanks. but regardless i need people around me right now. but i need people that i can trust - not people that are just here for a ride.

i am a lonely person. oh yeah tomorrow is valentines day. great.

last i talked with you, i was coming home. i had positves and negatives.
well, sure that week was xmas, which was a lot different this year. i have noticed the values of money a lot more while i wasnt with a job that always paid you. i had decided i didnt want to ask for too much, because i wanted to save my parents money. i still got some gifts i didnt really need, but there is no fighting that.

otherwise, we had a good couple of days meeting up with old friends. i got to see a lot of people from high school and randoms that we all partied for such a while through new years, and another couple days after that. it was a lot of fun because i enjoy getting drunk. i like drinking a lot. yeah its for the wrong reasons sometimes, but that's how i see it. i need to be drunk, or high, or something to make myself feel better because a lot of things have been shitty.

i dont know how to explain it because i dont want to point any fingers, and i definitely dont want to just be on here and bitch to you like i dont have a lot of stuff i want. yes, i know i have lived a good life so far, and i overreact. but on the other side of the spectrum a lot of things have been hard for me to deal with because a lot of it is very new to me

some people have changed from the past, and some friends have become acquaintances at best. is it good? i dont know. it might be for the better but the basic message really hurts me. but i am trying to cope with everything. the overall picture in one basic area of my life has been blank, and that sucks. i know i had affected one persons life, and now im feeling the same effects i had caused. its a painful feeling and dealing with it is not something i could do.

ive become a lonely person. and yeah i want help, but i dont want pity. i need to find something to make me happy. i dont have much that can do it either.

i dont know how to say what else i have to say. maybe one day i could just say it to your face.

i am home

school is done. the last week was more of a stretch because i only had one final. i didnt get sleep the night before, not because of studying but i was anxious. oh well. i had a really nice semester. i guess in a week or so i will find out how good the semester really was for me. haha

anyway im home, did some things the past couple days but nothing too exciting. im kinda bored right now. tomorrow should be really fun - partying with all the old friends.

then again i might have a repeat of the thanksgiving break where i have a mental breakdown - GREAT.

btw. i love my room, i really enjoy spending a lot of time in it...its very "chill" because i redid it with crazyness. next time you come by you shall see. its nice, and i dont want to leave it.

xmas is next week. great.

also - listen to spitalfield. they are amazing and their last show is sunday and i wish i coulda saw them again, but school messed that up for meh :-(

So, it the last week.
Things got better somehow in a matter of a day. Cool.
I'm not longer with NovaBooking, I'm doing Calling Out Productions. the reason? i can't focus heavily on booking, so I just started my own for a monthly show or so, not to hold Larina back. It's cool.

Anyway, school has been fun. Blahblah parties yeah thats all. Classes are done.

So last night a bunch of us went to a Russian party. It was really fun actually. I met some people that I couldve met through people at home, weird enough. I thought I was going to die at first because maybe these guys were from the mob, but it was cool. We took forever getting there because we got lost, but I showed everyone how to go with my handy dandy sidekick. I had a really great time.

Then today I found out I drank too much.

...and there is a party in about 2hours...

i'm done with novabooking

im almost done with this semester

im done with bands.

im done with a lot of things.

the end.

well home was okay
had a lot of ups
and its share of downs
toward the end i reaaaally wanted to come back here, and its a lot more peaceful. recently things have been bothering my again and i really dont want them to. i havent been motivated to do anything for school and it sucks because there are only 18 days left. there are events back home that i would go home for but i dont know if can, mentally. i havent been to a novabooking show this weekend. thats another story. we made a decent amount of extra cash on friday, but got enormously fucked over today and i lost over 500 bucks with it. im fed up with novabooking, and im going to try and last until the end of january and then just end it. i plan to get a job for income for my trip in march. i dont have a band, i cant be in a band because im not good enough. its a shame because i realize how much im terrible so i have no confidence anymore. with anything.

ive met a lot more cool people out here and started my radio show. thats why out here is good. but then somethings havent been going my way and well that hurts so now im back to square one. i need to go xmas shopping, but i dont know what to get my own family.

i think i need a large amount of alone time. i just had a really stressful day and it just ends shitty because of me losing money. i hate dealing with local bands sucking at life too. ugh. i dont know anymoreeeee. :-/ i think i just need to cuddle.

well my being at stonybrook for a long time is going to end tomorrow when i go home
im not sure if i want to be there.
ive really started to enjoy being away. i made my schedule for next semester too!

anyway, this weekend was cool, lots of partying. last night i did my first tripping experience. it was absolutely amazing.

today i walked around campus all day for about 3-4 hours alone. it was nice , peaceful. i wish i did it more often. nature is beautiful. the world is beautiful. its just the people in it that make it look like crap sometimes.

i really cant wait to download some movies and mp3s tomorrow when i get back. i hope while im home im constantly doing things. i want to party with old friends, and meet new ones. thats why i love stony brook, i love meeting new people everyday. oh wellz! i hope!

since i wrote anything.

anyway, ive been trying to stay at school more. i love it. i love being here. i love being with these people and i love not being at home.

its just good to get away. speaking of getting away, im planning a ridiculous trip for me and some peoples around my birthday! SICK

anyway, im not sure what to do about music. i practiced with some people, but i suck. im not any good, and i just dont think i can continue. and i want to continue booking and such, but its really hard if i wanna stay here.

which that means i have to go home more, but its hard to do that.

i am excited to go home during thanksgiving break though, because i want to see friends i havent seen in a while. hopefully no bull shit goes down.

i really want to go on a trip to 'get away' but i need to raise money for my trip in march.
which means i need a job probably during christmas break, and a job here too in the spring.

oh well!

so i havent updated in a bit.

the getaway drive is over. its done. no more shows. no more band practices. no more bullshit.
yeah well i guess ill deal with it

the only thing i regret is not ending it last october. sure some things were cool, but all the bs was not worth it and was not ended anywhere near properly.

i finally stayed most of this weekend partied a lot, had a good time. some friends came out and visited

im just really tired. i dont like doing work. im really lazy.

still things are eh. halloweens soon. whatever that doesnt matter, but it sucks some things. i duno. i wish things were different/same as in the past. i miss things. i miss a lot of things.

i wish i could redo somethings in my life.

i watched a lot of svu. night.

i dont know where i belong

dont get me wrong, i love college. i love going away as opposed to being at home as i said in the past

but i kinda wish i was still at ncc for the luxury of taking time off. basically, i wish i could take a semester off, travel the world. travel the country. do something not in new york. i need to find myself. i need to go on a journey. because i really dont think im on the correct path.

not that a lot goes wrong, but enough happens where it makes me question my existance.

THAT is why i need to write music

so that's it

i need to relearn a way to play music

i need to either learn guitar, or get better at bass guitar.

im looking for a band to play with, which could be easier to do

but in the meantime im looking to start something new. i wanna do something lux courageous/the promise ring-esque but then again who knows i might wanna do something poppier. but NOT as poppy at tgad. let me know if you are interested

or let me know if you are interested in helping me relearn music. thanks!

here we go again

i went home on thursday night to play a show at the knitting factory. hectic getting there, but awesome. i got to bethpage from before smithtown in 13 minutes. sick. then i took a train alone and got to the venue at like 745. pretty decent crowd. we didnt bring like anyone which kinda sucked, but we were added real last minute.

anyway, got home and that was pretty much that. then friday we had a show at the loft. we were supposed to practice but didnt. i hungout with erin before hand. it was nice i havent seen her in a long time. i got new earrings. we played the show. we played so good. then afterwirds went to applebees then got home to charge my phone to meet up with friends only to find out that i couldnt because of an immature person standing in the way.
its amazing that someone 2 years+ older then me, has a full time job, still works with high school bullshit. obviously he hasnt grown up.

anyway i sat and drank alcohol then went to sleep like 3am then woke up the next day and rode my bike to the degens and it was a great ride, i worked a lot to do it i need a new bike though because this one is soooo shitty and unconfortable. we played a show at the lanes at night. it was cool, no jon degen which was lame but it was still fun. selling tshirts at whatever price so if you want one let me know!

also, check out our show oct 17 because well. it could be our last.

so yeah ups and downs. i dont want to come home anymore. but i have no damn choice. ugh

i love it out here because its all new people and they cant judge me. so id like to stay out here one full weekend

okay the weekend started off good, then got shitty, then got awesome.

i had a show. made a little cash, not much. terrible turnout. stress with tgad. ya knowwww.
then the black security guard that i am paying to be there gives me shit and grabbed me. i was about to yell bad names out at him, except he has a knife tattoo on his eye. im pretty sure i could have died. but that shit pisses me off and novabooking may move business elsewhere. shame. after the show i went out with liz and sam and kevin. it was nice. got home early. oh well.

i went to philadelphia saturday to sunday to visit nikki. i love philly always. it was real nice i got to do cool things. i also went to a frat party and got pretty crunk and watched some girl get fingered. it was pretty sick.

okay i came home had a longer trip then expected because of dumb people living in new york, but thats okay because it only went over my time expectance by like, 40 minutes.

now im here at school. i did work before but i feel like i got more but i duno?

also im reeaaaaaaaaaally into some new old music. ive been listening to radiohead, the smashing pumpkins and a couple others a LOT now.
im in love again.
thank you and have a good day

school has really started to pick up. im trying to understand how to use blackboard, and more importantly get all my work done on time. most people that know me i love to party. i am doing my very best to keep that from taking over my time. so far ive been good, but barely. im getting everything done on time its just i have an awkward way of doing it all. a lot of people have been hearing it from me, but i love it here. its like a getaway. similar to the one i took in the summer with bryan across the country.

that was one of the most life changing experiences for me. it was great. i am actually planning on hitting the road again, hopefully in january before school starts up again. the getaways are something i feel i need to do to keep myself sane. theres something nice about it out here, people are nice and parties are fun. but the thing is the time i like and dont like. i have a lot of free time where i should get work done but i like to relax. keep things out of my mind.

ive been home every weekend at least once and it annoys me. granted , its band and booking stuff mostly, its still annoying. i kinda wish i went away further so i didnt have that option. leave everything behind for a while. i would really like to look at a college far away but at this point its too annoying to switch again. oh well. i have my plans for when i leave here that i need to get out of new york even for a little bit.

the band, is a problem. i dont want to deal with it. its painful to have something youve been with for 5+ years, and worked so hard to get where you are and it all falls apart. i love who im playing with. but in the past things were better. its shame and i made some dumb mistakes. i also wish i was more musically talented so i had more options to get away from tgad for a bit, or something. thats why i started novabooking but thats a headache in itself. and the management is a lot to keep off the ground because a lot of people that were supposed to help me out with some dates , and turned away so now i have to beg for some of these dates.

back to musically talentedness...i needto write. i duno if its guitar , bass, or just lyrics. i think it will make me feel a lot better about everything. i actually have stuff in my head but i wont know what it truly is until i put it out on paper.

maybe come see my band play? i dont even think anyone cares anymore. i dont as much as i used to.
www.myspace.com/thegetawaydrive

so its been a really long time
like a year.

i do apologize. lets get things straight where i am in relation to last year.

well, i finished my final year at nassau. i had a great time and met a lot of awesome people over with concerts, radio, and orientation. it was a great run and all those people are good friends now.

im currently at stonybrook living in a dorm on campus. im enjoying it so much because i needed to get away from home, which i will definitely get to in a little bit.

something very passionate to me, music, has ups and downs. i am still with the getaway drive. unfortunely kyle and i are the only orignal members and that sort of sucks. i mean i love all our members weve had in between and especially our lineup now (jon john and liz) but things arent the same. we are playing for entirely different reasons, and i cant put a full heart into it anymore. we used to play every weekend, go on tours. things are now different. we play every so often, we sometimes practice (thats more then we used to!). we dont tour and we dont have a van. its sad. depressing. i miss traveling. because i hate it here. i need to find something that i can do to move out of here for times, and now i got school so its just going to be tough.

novabooking on the other hand is going pretty good, hectic at times. but at least i get some shit done.

friends, girls. another story. a WHOLE different story. im happy and not happy where i am. i miss my old times. i miss the good times. some stuffs pretty cool
but some of it, i could definitely get rid of

thats why i kinda want to get away for a while. for those that didnt remmeber i took a road trip this summer. that was so eyeopening to me. i miss that. i wish it was longer. i wish i could move

i duno ive just been thinking of things recently and i just know that ive made some pretty bad choices in the past year. i dont have full regrets. just things couldve panned out differently.

well there ya go journal. hope you are happy

SO today i was at nassau and well

someone stole my car. that sucks

PLEASE be on the lookout for a

BRIGHT GREEN HONDA CIVIC DX

2- Door Car, TheGetAwayDrive.com bumper sticker, nautical star on the side

PLEASE PASS THIS ON

Inside was my brand new $400 phone and $300 iPod, along with several other items. (both were hidden very well under the seats)

i have no idea what i'm going to do now, so please be on the lookout.


...if you see the car driving follow it, and someone contact me. its not me driving i swear....


this fucking sucks

i really havent written in a while. nothing notable happened.

just tonight

i hate some people

and i hate how it affects me so much.

i just am in such a blah mood because of certain events. i just dont know what to do

i want sweet revenge and im sure as hell it should come soon.

...i hope i get better soon.

okay so a lot has happened, but not really.
yesterday we were supposed to play the astoria park show... WRONG!

it got rained out. not just rained out, but washed out. like i thought we coulda died. the water was up to the vans top of the tires almost.

i went frolicking after a while with scott mike eric and sean.

that sucked, because i really wanted to play. but now we are playing on sunday. cool beans

thennnnn

we had a party at my house. got crunk. it was beautiful.

thennn i woke up today because my phone STILL ISNT WORKING

so i went to tmobile down the block. they put me on the phone with the insurance which i apparently dont have on the sidekick because they took it off when i switched the number. fuck. so then i go through troubleshooting. no dice. then eventually they tell me i may be able to get a loner phone for the time being.
hicksville doesnt have it, so i go to westbury. i get there and i dont have a credit card. FUCK. so then i wait for my parents to drive back to hicksville to charge the card, then finally i get it. i also had major problems touching the site online.

ghey. then i finally mailed out my sidekick with ups. i hate life
i am so angry at them i cant wait to cancel them jan 9th...which kinda sucks because i will be on the cruise. but still, i may cancel before hand...hrmmm

talk to you all soon. party time weekend begins NOW

lets just say. i hate work.

i had to go in yesterday 9-2 which is bullshit because i requsted off all weekends. oh fucking well. god dammit i went in blablah pissed off the whole time. then i was going to go to the beach after, at 2, but noooo i couldnt because we had band practice at 4.

erin came over for like an hour and went in the pool with me.

okay so i went to band practice, it was alright, i got a little stressed with a couple of the songs, but its all good, i was just in a not good mood from earlier in the day. done at like 730, i went with scott to his neck of the woods, to kaitys house til about 10ish.

it was damn good food. those guys are fun. i then left and had to get stuck in the construction on dumb hempstead turnpike.

i finally came home went to erins, then left to go to ralphs with mike, then came back to erins, then fell asleep. i was exhausted. i then came home and passed the f out.

i had some weird dreams. i dont remember them totally, but i know one had to do with being stuck at someones house in the snow storm and the snow covered everyones house.

and the other part was i was driving in this area, and i forget which actor, hes always on conan, guy with a goate (i wanna say paul, but i could be wrong) came in our van and he said he would love to direct a music video for us.

weird.

now im still tired, hungry, and i gotta go to work at 5. woo friggen woo.